First Time, Last Time
Here's my list for 2025.
Here’s my list for 2025.
As I look back on 2025, here are three First Times that stood out:
For the first time, the Clock lied to me. The alarm on my phone told me to get ready for work but the clock on the wall told me I still had plenty of time. Somehow, my heart broke a little when I realized I could no longer trust Wall Clock.
For the first time as an adult (since I was 18), I have been single longer than I have been married. I embraced my single hood by starting Line Dance classes. Apparently, line dancing has gone viral on social media. I love the challenge of learning the choreography, but its biggest appeal is that there are no leads or follows.
At Whole Foods where I work part-time as a Shopper, a co-worker asked me how long I had worked there, I said, “I started before Covid.” He responded, “Wow. I was in middle school then.” It was the first time a co-worker was young enough to be my grandchild…
Three Last Times:
When I learned my Hilo dance teacher, Kari, was sick, I wrote an essay and sent it to her. Her response on May 18 turned out to be the last words I got. : Nanako, Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with me. Truly brought me to tears. So much I want to say to you but the nausea is at its worst these past 2 days. Trying hard to make myself eat when I know how miserable it makes me feel. I am so far making it through Round 1 in the fight of my life—and hope with each passing day that God pulls me thru this.
I’m not finished yet, not even close.
I will watch the (Four Seasons) show too. It sounds deeply introspective which is a lane I am in right now.
Keep dancing…a little bit for me. And I will feel it.
Sending my love and gratefulness your way. KariThis is the last time I have all my teeth. Every time I see myself in the mirror, I’m reminded of the missing teeth. The imposter in my mouth still feels out of place.
At first, I thought - how can I possibly know when is the Last Time I do something? Unless I get terminally ill like Kari, I have no idea when I hug someone, say Thank you, or write I love you - that will be the last time. I feel pretentious limiting myself to the year 2025. Then I realized that never again will I write down these same words, think the same thoughts, and feel the same emotions as I am in this very moment.