Review of memoir - Walking Him Home
This is a very personal review of a book written by a my fellow writing group member who unexpectedly died last month.
Counterclockwise: Becky, Joanne, Sylvia and me in Joanne’s yard. Joanne Kelly’s memoir Walking Him Home, Helping My Husband Die with Dignity
Writing Workshops. I’ve probably been in dozens. Maybe the first one was in 2000 at the Boulder Public Library led by Becky, a mild mannered woman who later told me incredible life stories. Like her, there were many strange, terrible and wonderful things that had happened in my life, and I felt an urge to write them down. But how to transform these ephemeral ideas and memories into real stories someone would read? Perhaps because of all the music lessons my parents shoved on me throughout my childhood, I knew that in order to master storytelling, I needed to study, get feedback and practice, practice, practice. My hope was that talent wasn’t one of the requirements.
The Memoir Writing Group I joined around 2014 was like many groups I had tried. Full of interesting people eager to get their life stories down on paper. But by then, I realized a writer needed more than just interesting experience. Writers needed to have a relentless drive to write and produce daily, willingness to improve, a strong ego to absorb all the barbs of criticism, and most importantly, brutal honesty. Readers smell bullshit a mile away. Out of about a dozen people in that group, I thought Joanne and Sylvia most likely had those characteristics. So after the Memoir Group fell apart, as most of these groups did, I asked Becky, Sylvia and Joanne if they would be willing to start another writing group with me. I turned out to be the youngest in my late fifties but that wasn’t because I had anything against the young or men. I suppose it was a combination of the topics these women chose, and their writing styles.
Once our group began meeting regularly at Joanne’s house, I learned Joanne wanted to write about her husband Alan’s terminal illness and his decision to end his own life. Writing is hard enough. But to write about such a gut-wrenching experience as she struggled with the last days of her husband’s life boggled my mind. In retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t really know Alan although I was aware of his presence in the house. Amazingly, Joanne was able to write and absorb our comments with grace and determination as she dealt with what must be the most difficult situation in anyone's life.
Joanne’s fine book is the result of a long and arduous journey. I think her book transformed from one about Colorado’s recent Medical Aid in Dying (MAID) program into the story of Alan, Joanne and their love story. Historians, journalists and doctors can describe and explain new programs like MAID but only storytellers can pull readers into the heart of MAID. How can ordinary people deal with extraordinary situations? I believe that only well-crafted stories can reveal Truth with a capital T.
Joanne did a wonderful job of letting us get to know Alan through her eyes. I know she struggled to write about Alan’s personality, his sense of humor, his strengths as well as his weaknesses. But she succeeded in bringing to life, not only Alan but herself as the narrator, and the myriad of people in their lives - the friends, relatives, and professionals. As a reader, I fell in love with Alan, felt the heartbreak of the diagnosis of his illness, empathized with Joanne’s doubts and fears, laughed with the absurdity of life and finally grieved with her as she watched her husband being cremated.
I hope Joanne can hear my last critique of her work. Good job, Joanne! You’ve succeeded. The book looks beautiful. I remember you saying, "I'm going to use this photo a friend took of the night Alan passed away." Your characters sing. The scenes are vital. With warmth and strength, your narrator guides us through a frightening world. Your book allows you and Alan to be alive again, in our hearts and minds forever. And for the countless others who look for help making a decision one hopes is never needed, your book offers solace. Thank you, Joanne.
Update: I learned Joanne took her own life after feeling despondent the past year.